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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27956933">The Good in Us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen'>Soozen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Little Talks [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula has Life-Changing Conversations, Conversations, Forgiveness, Gen, Zuko has Life-Changing Field Trips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:41:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,965</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27956933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after the war ends, Toph approaches Azula for her Life-Changing Conversation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Toph Beifong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Little Talks [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964512</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Good in Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Katara is in the water, Azula remains in the beach house.</p><p>Though she does not remember when Katara had done to her during the Agni Kai, though she has thanked her for stopping her and sparing her life, watching her bend water can be panic inducing. It had been one thing, to see her by the turtleduck pond, and see merely a ripple in the water at her readiness to defend herself should the need arise. It is another to stand on the beach, with Ty Lee trying to convince her to join them all playing in the waves, and see Katara bend such a large amount of water around herself, create waves for the others to surf on and splash in.</p><p>Something deep within her remembers, and forces her to relive the emotions tied to that memory; the fear, the helplessness, the ever-pressing feeling of <em>drowning</em>, of <em>freezing</em>—</p><p>No. It is better to stay far from the water, far from where she can see the manipulations by Katara, to stay where she is more at ease.</p><p>Ty Lee offers to stay with her, but Azula waves her off. Inexplicably, Ty Lee actually <em>enjoys</em> splashing about like a fool, and though her company would be appreciated, Azula is careful with her. She has not forgotten the absolute heartache and anguish when Ty Lee had turned against her. They’ve long since apologized to each other, sure, but Azula has never asked for an explanation. She can only assume that it was from a sort of rebellion on Ty Lee’s part, of being confined too much, of not having a choice in following her, among other things.</p><p>And so she pushes Ty Lee away more than she would like, when she is certain the acrobat might prefer to do something else. It creates for some lonesome moments, lonesome days, but it is better than the alternative.</p><p>Azula chooses to sit just inside the house with the doors open wide, so that she might enjoy the breeze off the sea. And, while she might prefer the company of a certain acrobat, there is a benefit of being alone: that no one is able to witness her make an absolute disaster of what is supposed to be a dragon carving.</p><p>Sokka had given her a couple of rudimentary lessons on wood carving and whittling, and he had foolishly suggested she start with something simple, something easy; perhaps only her name cut into the wood, or if she was feeling particularly confident, a basic fish design.</p><p>Azula does not do simple, or basic, or easy. She has mastered everything she has ever come across, and she is going to give herself a real challenge, one that she <em>will </em>complete. A dragon, the original fire benders.</p><p>Unfortunately, the challenge she has given herself is, well c<em>hallenging</em>, and more than one of her fingers has been carefully bandaged due to her inexperience with the blade. It’s fine, she assures herself. It’s fine, it’s okay. She’s sure she must have burned herself the first few times while bending. She will get the hang of this, and then she will be able to show Sokka just how far she has surpassed even him in this silly pastime.</p><p>“Nng!”</p><p>Dropping both the block of wood and the knife, Azula suppresses the urge to swear as, once again, she knicks another finger, sharp enough to draw blood. The injurty isn’t large, nor deep, just a frustrating indicator of her novice status, and she thrusts her finger into her mouth as she stands to find yet another bandage.</p><p>“You’re never going to get better if you give up.”</p><p>Azula stops, looking over her shoulder. Toph is standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame, arms crossed over her chest.</p><p>“Not that it’s any of your business, but I am not giving up,” Azula responds crossly after removing her finger from her lips.</p><p>There is a small box of medical supplies on the opposite side of the table; Azula may not have yet learned how to properly control the knife she was using, but she has at least learned to keep bandages nearby. She grabs the box with the hand that isn’t currently bleeding and pulls it toward her, flipping it open.</p><p>“Then what are you doing?”</p><p>Azula resists snapping at her, and instead focuses on wrapping her finger. It is difficult to do with one hand, but she’s had a few tries to get it right.  “Shouldn’t you be down at the beach with your friends?”</p><p>“Nah. They’re all swimming. I don’t go in the water.”</p><p>This is something Azula can completely understand. She ties the bandage, tightening it with her teeth, and turns to face Toph. “At least you have some sense then.”</p><p>Toph lets out a small chuckle. “Never thought I’d agree with you on something.”</p><p>Azula merely clicks her tongue in response, and considers sitting down to resume her work, but stops, glancing at Toph.</p><p>“Why come back to the house then? You know I’m the only one here.” <em>It isn’t as if we’re friends</em>, she nearly adds, only managing to hold her tongue. Less combative. She’s trying to be less combative.</p><p>The blind young woman shrugs, and it is strange, as it always has been, to witness her make gestures that would only make sense for the seeing. How does she know what a shrug is, what it conveys? From what Azula has been able to gather, Toph was born blind, so it isn’t as if she ever had the chance to learn body language.</p><p>But then again, Toph is strangely capable of getting around on her own, without the use of an aid, or a seeing-eye poodle-monkey. Azula knows that there is something more to her, but she hasn’t been able to pin it down yet.</p><p>“I figured that while everyone else was preoccupied, it was about time for ‘my life-changing conversation’,” Toph explains casually.</p><p>Azula’s eyes narrow slightly at the response. “Your what?”</p><p>“My ‘life-changing conversation with Azula’,” she repeats as if it is a known title or phrase, and the addition of her name has Azula frowning. “I never got my life-changing field trip with your brother, so I’m not about to miss out on this.”</p><p>“Since when do I have ‘life-changing conversations’?”</p><p>“It’s all everyone else is talking about,” Toph says pointedly. “They said you apologize, or thanked them, and that you connect or something. I want mine.”</p><p>The blind earthbender is standing firmly in the doorway, feet apart, arms folded over her chest; a stubborn stance. Before even opening her mouth, Azula knows that nothing will dissuade her from her goal, and she sinks heavily into her seat.</p><p>“I don’t know exactly what to say, if I’m perfectly honest,” she starts, waving a hand dismissively. Not that her gesturing will mean anything to Toph. “I’ve never been <em>prompted</em> like this before.”</p><p>Toph enters the room, a scowl on her face. “Why not? You don’t know how to apologize?”</p><p>She lets out a huff, and rubs her temple with a finger. “Of course I know <em>how</em>. The how is easy. The why is difficult.”</p><p>“You don’t know why you need to apologize to me?”</p><p>There’s tension in her voice, an edge that Azula recognizes; she’s heard Toph become indignant more than once, and usually with Katara, though it’s come up more than once around Zuko as well.</p><p>“Not specifics, no,” Azula admits, watching her closely, prepared to jump away at the first sign of any rock or stone flying her way.</p><p>Bending in retaliation would never be a good idea, even if it is only in self-defense. They all consider her to be a walking weapon, just waiting for the opportunity to take Zuko out and reclaim the throne. None of them see that she no longer wants it.</p><p>“Relax, I’m not going to throw rocks or anything,” Toph grumbles out.</p><p>“I am relaxed.”</p><p>A laugh. “Bullshit. I can tell how tense you are. Ease up, and I will, too.”</p><p>Azula narrows her eyes at Toph. It’s time, once and for all, to know just how she is able to pick up on these things, to be able to get by so well without the use of any aid; she’s waited long enough for the mystery to reveal itself.</p><p>“And how do you know I’m ‘tense’?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You’re blind!” Azula nearly sputters, certain that Toph is only playing dumb. “I know you are somehow able to get around as if there’s no issue, but how can you do it to a point that it as if you can<em> see</em>?”</p><p>“Oh.” And Toph actually seems a little surprised. “I thought you knew it’s my earthbending. I can kind of ‘see’ using it; I can feel where people are, how they’re standing. And <em>you’re</em> standing like you’re ready to run.”</p><p>The explanation is simpler than Azula had expected. Interesting. She’s never heard of anyone using their element to guide them through the world, but then again, there also had never been metalbending before Toph.</p><p>“You’re also in a defensive position,” Azula countered. “I know better than to underestimate you.”</p><p>“Good. You shouldn’t. But I’m not going to fight you, I already told you that. Not unless you start bending first.”</p><p>“I’m not about to do anything so stupid.”</p><p>Toph is slow to respond, a frown on her lips, and Azula is distracted slightly by how she flexes her toes. <em>What is she trying to see</em>?</p><p>“Fine,” Toph finally says, letting her shoulders drop, taking a more relaxed position. Now, with the earthbender less at the ready, Azula follows her lead, sitting down on the chair. It’s a gesture more than anything else; they both know that she can be ready at an instance.</p><p>But so can Toph, so they are mostly only being polite.</p><p>“So you’re looking for an apology from me?” Azula inquires, deeming the tension may lessen with a conversation. It’s worth a chance at the very least.</p><p>“I figure it’s the least you owe me.”</p><p>Unhelpful. The temptation is there, to demand to know exactly what to apologize for, the specifics that she has done to wrong her, but that would be the wrong move. Instead, she shifts slightly in her seat, hands resting gently upon her knees and takes a breath.</p><p>“I’m sorry for playing the role I did in the war. I’m sorry for chasing you and your friends across the Earth Kingdom and capturing you in Ba Sing Se.”</p><p>Somehow, the words do little to change Toph’s mood; in fact, judging by the way her frown deepens, her apology only made it worse.</p><p>“Is that it? That’s all you’re apologizing for?”</p><p>She narrows her eyes on Toph. “What else is there? I don’t know if you remember well enough or not, but our paths did not actually cross often, and when they did, I was not the one who fought you.”</p><p>Toph’s frown twists into a scowl as she shakes her head. “…The worst of this is, I don’t even know if you’re <em>lying.</em>”</p><p>Azula looked away, rolling her eyes. “You’ll just have to trust me.”</p><p>“Not that easy.”</p><p>It is incredibly lucky for Toph that this was not one of Azula’s dark days, for instead of becoming volatile or withdrawn, she is only irritated. “I get it, the sins of my past make it difficult—”</p><p>“No. You don’t get it. You <em>made</em> it so I’ll never be able to trust you.” There is a bitterness in Toph’s voice. “Sokka and Katara, and even Aang, they’ve all come around, and they trust you, so I know there’s a good reason to start doing that because they’re not total idiots. But you…. I can’t tell when you’re lying.”</p><p>And that, it takes a moment for Azula to place what Toph is referring to. “Because I lied convincingly once?”</p><p>“I can <em>always</em> tell when someone lies. People react to the lies they tell, there’s a physical reaction to it. Everyone is like this. Everyone except <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Azula adjusts in her seat, crossing one leg over the other. Across the room, Toph has hardly moved at all, and Azula wonders if Toph knows just how easily her emotions can be read from her expressions.</p><p>“I see. You’ve never had to simply take anyone at their word. You’ve always been able to know if someone is…disingenuous.”</p><p>Toph nods. “Until you.”</p><p>“Until me.” And confession, Azula can feel it boosting her ego, that she has a power over Toph, and she has to push that down and remind herself: she gains nothing by this.</p><p>“So yeah. I’m not just going to trust you. I don’t think I ever will.”</p><p>She folders her arms across her chest, resting against the back of the chair. “And where does that lead us? Why seek an apology from me if you can’t even trust that I mean it?”</p><p>Toph appeared to struggle with that question, her lips twisting in thought. “…I want to hear you say it. Say that you’re sorry for what you did.”</p><p>And now they had come full circle. Touching a finger to her temple, Azula sighed through her nose. “I just did, or would you like me to say it again?”</p><p>“You didn’t apologize for <em>everything</em>,” Toph scowls, not quite in her direction, but it is undeniably meant for her.</p><p>“And what else would there be? I apologized for pursuing you and your friends, and for what occurred in Ba Sing Se. We did not actually cross paths often, there’s little I personally did—”</p><p>“You were going to kill my parents.”</p><p>That stops Azula mid-sentence, and she simply stares at Toph, trying desperately to recall <em>when</em> that could have occurred. Her memory is not the best it could be; some events are blocked out entirely, and she has long suspected that she could have whole chunks of her life hidden away that she does not know about.</p><p>But she doesn’t let Toph know how little she can trust her own memory. She sits a little straighter, smooths out her nerves, and says, “You’ll have to be a little more specific. I don’t believe I ever tried to kill anyone other than my brother and the Avatar.”</p><p>It comes out matter-of-factly, as if she doesn’t care that what she had once strived to achieve was wrong. It’s counter-intuitive, she knows. Old habits die hard.</p><p>“Zuko told us it was your idea to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground during the comet.” Toph’s voice is hard, hard as the stone and metal she bends and molds with ease. “My family is Earth Kingdom; almost everyone I’ve ever known is Earth Kingdom, and you were going to have every last one of them killed.”</p><p>She swallows. “I only suggested it—”</p><p>“At a war meeting!” Toph snaps out, and this is possibly the first time Azula has seen her lose her calm, unbothered façade. “You suggested the death of <em>thousands</em> at a war meeting, don’t pretend you didn’t know what you were suggesting!”</p><p>“You’re right,” Azula nods. There isn’t any use denying it. And she reminds herself that the point of these talks are not to clear her name, not to pull the blame from her. It is to clear the air. To apologize when necessary, and to show gratitude when applicable. She draws in a long breath, slow. “…I did that. I’m sorry. It was…. It was a selfish choice, and it could have hurt many.”</p><p>And then she waits, waits for Toph to respond. The silence draws on, and Toph doesn’t move, so neither does Azula. Self-control is something the princess has always prided herself on, and she knows that she can sit and wait just as long as is needed, even longer, really—</p><p>Toph stands straighter, arms dropping to her sides, hands balled into fists. “I can’t accept that.”</p><p>Before Azula can do anything—respond, stand, even simply have the words fully register—Toph has turned and stormed out of the house.</p><p>
  <em>Not again.</em>
</p><p>She takes in a breath. She lets it out slow, and unclenches her fingers, and closes her eyes. Toph has a right to be angry, she reminds herself. This is fine. This is okay. This is okay.</p><p>This is okay.</p><p>And she repeats that in her head, as if she tells herself that enough times, she will believe it. They do not owe her forgiveness, Azula knows this. They do not owe her anything at all. And forgiveness is not the reason for these talks—<em>life-changing conversations</em>, echoes in her mind—only the opportunity to clear the air.</p><p>Still, she can’t deny the desire for acceptance.</p><p>Azula sits in that chair, still and tense, until she feels comfortable enough to move again, that she is not afraid of what she might do. The house is still quiet as she stands. She cannot remain indoors.</p><p>The knife and the misshapen block of wood are left behind, abandoned.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Night has fallen before she returns to the house.</p><p>She has been walking for hours, the length of the small island twice over. Sitting still and stewing over her shortcomings, remaining in the house when all she wants is to feel electricity burst from her fingertips in a desperate attempt to calm herself because that <em>stupid</em> woodworking idea from Sokka was never going to do what he said it could.</p><p>Azula has not bent lightning in years. Not since the Agni Kai, not that she remembers allegedly shooting it at her brother. The scar he bears is hard to deny, though.</p><p>But she hasn’t felt the surge and the power from that move, one that few, so very few can do, that no one as young as she ever had been able to master. Somehow, she feels that Zu-Zu would not appreciate seeing her create lightning.</p><p>So, instead of lightning bending, she walks, and wishes the two guards that tail behind her would leave her.</p><p>They won’t. Whether it is to ensure her safety, or because Zuko still does not trust her, she doesn’t know. Thinking of the latter makes her mouth suddenly bitter.</p><p>Azula climbs the path up from the private beach, tired but no longer overcome by a mess of emotions as she had been. The walk, though long, longer than she’d expected, had served its purpose.</p><p>“I wouldn’t go in just yet.”</p><p>Not for the first time that day, she is caught off guard by Toph’s voice. It is more difficult to find her now, in the dark, the light of the moon blocked by clouds. Eventually, through the light spilling from the windows reveals the small earthbender lounging against one of the many decorative boulders.</p><p>“Sparky’s freaking out,” Toph continues, unprompted. “He’s <em>been</em> freaking out. Doesn’t like that you just went missing. Only thing that’s been keeping him from sending all the guards out after you is Ty Lee.”</p><p>Azula cannot help the roll of her eyes, but manages to contain her groan of frustration. “And you’re out here because…?”</p><p>“I told you. Zuko’s freaking out, being a complete drama queen.”</p><p>Looking over her shoulder, Azula gestures for the guards that have followed her up the path to go inside. “You can let my ever-suffering brother know I’m home.”</p><p>She is silent as they pass her and Toph on their way into the house. Once the door is shut, her attention returns to the other girl.</p><p>“I’m surprised you’re speaking to me.”</p><p>Toph gives a shrug. “Why? Because I didn’t accept your apology?”</p><p>“I should have thought differently?” Azula crosses her arms over her chest. “…It’s what happened with Suki.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, I’m not Suki.” Toph sat up, but did not stand. “I didn’t accept your apology because I still don’t know if I can trust that you’re genuine. And that you didn’t even <em>know</em> what to apologize for. It was kind of insulting. I was mad. I guess I still kind of am.” As she speaks, she sticks a pinky in her ear, as if digging for earwax; Azula wrinkles her nose in disgust.</p><p>“But,” she continues, flicking something off of her pinky, “you had them all worried when you went out. And not worried that you had gone on a murderous rampage, but worried for you. Like friends do.”</p><p>Toph speaks further, something about Ty Lee and trusting in her, but Azula can barely hear her. She is caught on that last sentence, that one crucial word.</p><p>Friends.</p><p><em>Friends</em>.</p><p>How- and when- had that happened? Was it true? Azula could not say she’s seen it, seen anything to support what Toph has said.</p><p>“Are you certain?”</p><p>She has cut off Toph mid-sentence, but she doesn’t care. Whatever she was talking about is not important. But Toph does not follow her question at all.</p><p>“Certain of what?”</p><p>Azula tries to pull her emotions in, control them, to maintain control over this conversation just the same. “What you had said, that they had…” And she inhales, before saying, “…worried about me.”</p><p>“You’re surprised?”</p><p>Out of habit, she throws a pointed look at Toph, until she remembers that, no, Toph will never pick up on that cue. “After our history, I’m surprised you all allow me within a hundred feet of you.”</p><p>Toph laughs then, a genuine, hearty guffaw. “Yeah, I’m not going to admit that it’s been easy sharing meals with you, but…yeah. I don’t think anyone in that house wants to see you in chains anymore. Except maybe Suki.”</p><p>“And what about you?” Azula asks, before she can help herself.</p><p>“Ehh…. I’m coming around, I guess. I can’t say that our ‘life-changing conversation’ did much to convince me, but… Aang and Sokka and Katara, they might be a bunch of softies, but they also hold grudges. I don’t think those grudges are there anymore. There’s got to be a reason for that.” Standing now, Toph stretches, arms high over her head, fingers laced. “I don’t trust you, but I trust them. If they’re willing to forgive you, maybe one day I could, too.”</p><p>“Does forgiveness really come that easy?” Azula probed. “Not to say that I would reject it if it is there, only that it seems to have come rather…quickly.”</p><p>“You think getting to this point has been <em>easy</em>?” Toph counters, to which the princess shrugs.</p><p>“I haven’t done much, only in recent months, really.”</p><p>“And all the years leading up to it? Damn, are you really as dense as your brother?” And Azula bristles at being compared to Zuko in such a way. “You’re different from how you had been; even I can see that. You still have a ways to go, but you’re in the right direction.”</p><p>And then Toph snorts softly, amused. “If you aren’t careful, the whole gang is going to accept you as a friend soon.”</p><p>Azula finds she has no words, that there is only a tightness in her chest, and if she is not careful, that tightness will spread to her throat.</p><p>“You really must be becoming a huge softie if <em>that’s</em> going to make you cry.”</p><p>And the tightness disappears—<em>thankfully</em>— at Toph’s accusation.</p><p>“If you think that could make me tear up, you have a lot to learn about me,” Azula responds coolly and, hopefully, convincingly, causing Toph to snicker.</p><p>“Whatever you say. Anyway, Sparky’s probably calmed down by now; I’m going in. You coming?”</p><p>The temptation is there, to decline, to stay outside with her thoughts, to avoid the rest of them, to not have the chance to see if what Toph had said was true or not. Instead, Azula takes a step forward, ahead of Toph.</p><p>“I was planning on it anyway.”</p><p>And she leads the way into the warmth and light of the house.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Special thanks for HowILearnedToLoveTheBomb for their advice on structuring this installment.</p><p>Please let me know what you thought!</p><p>Follow me on tumblr @soozenwrites for writing updates and fandom nonsense.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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